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Making Some Nips And Tucks With Mars In Virgo

Mars has entered Virgo and will be there until early October. Virgo is kind of a strange place for Mars to be. Mars likes action and adventure and sex, where is Virgo has a reputation for being quiet and refined and a bit shy (although Virgos do appear to enjoy sex — go figure!).

What happens when you put those two qualities together? The best case scenario involves taking bold action make things better for yourself or others in a kind and gentle way.

Unfortunately, the “best case scenario” hasn’t got nearly the comedic potential that the worst case scenario has. So: here are some notes about an overly enthusiastic cosmetic surgeon who insists that he’s going to make your life better, but who is really more interested in paying off his alimony and getting his kids through college. Enjoy!

Aug 24, 2019
Venus conjunct Mars
“I understand your enthusiasm for finding someone you can get into bed with. I think a nice pair of implants would help tremendously with that, and I think it would be unwise for you to think too long about making that decision. You have Visa or Mastercard, right…?”

Aug 25, 2019
Mars quincunx Chiron
“The new implants look magnificent! Unfortunately there seems to be an awful lot of scar tissue forming around them. Let’s get you back on the table and clean that up. The risk of side effects are pretty minimal.”

Aug 28, 2019
Mars trine Uranus
“Okay, that didn’t turn out quite as intended. The good news however is that I’ve managed to arrange things around the incision scars so now you have happy-face boob emojis. You’re going to be a big hit at parties from now on!”

Sep 2, 2019
Sun conjunct Mars
“Things seem to be healing up nicely, but don’t you find that you kind of miss the attention you get when you have surgery? Hang the consequences, let’s do something about that nose!”

Sep 3, 2019
Mercury conjunct Mars
“I got to thinking about it while you were anesthetized, and I decided to give you a chin lift. Trust me, you’ll love it!”

Sep 9, 2019
Mars trine Saturn
“You know what would look great on you? Cheek implants! I just got certified with a new technique for those. Wanna give it a try?”

Sep 12, 2019
Mars square Jupiter
“You look fantastic! Heck, let’s keep going. Let’s do an eye lift! Yes, I know you don’t really need one — but come on, it’ll be fun!”

Sep 14, 2019
Mars opposite Neptune
“I’m sorry about how the eye lift turned out. I misunderstood what needed cutting. Don’t worry though, I can fix this. Just sign this liability waiver and we’ll get right to work on that. Would you like the nurse to read it to you, or can you read Braille?”

Sep 19, 2019
Mars trine Pluto
“Fantastic! Everything has worked out really nicely for you! Your new look should help you make big money in Hollywood as an actress. Science Fiction and horror movies remain really popular you know…”

October 4, 2019
Mars enters Libra
“Okay I admit it, I got carried away with the surgery. I thought I wanted it to make you look better, but I really think all we needed to do was to bring out your inner beauty. That’s why I’ve gone and gotten a degree in cosmetology. Still got those credit cards…?”