Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Aries

Oct 7, 2020, in Astrology

As the spokesperson for the Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK), it is my solemn duty to inform you all that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. We’ve reviewed the old symbols and decided they were lacking. Please upgrade all your t-shirts, coffee mugs, and tattoos to reflect your new symbols. Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

THE SIGN: Aries (March 20 – April 19)

FORMER SYMBOL: The Ram

WHAT THE FORMER SYMBOL GOT RIGHT: Sure-footed and unafraid. Capable of climbing to great heights when it puts its mind to it. More than willing to butt heads with someone when it is required. Kind of stubborn and not easy to domesticate.

NEW SYMBOL: The Red-Headed Woodpecker (Melanerpes erythrocephalus)

WHAT THE NEW SYMBOL ADDS: Will generally eat anything when they’re hungry, but often prefer insects… especially if the tastiest insects happen to be living in a tree next to your bedroom window. It’s not the red-headed woodpecker’s fault that it’s 5:00 AM and it’s hungry. It’s your fault for not understanding, and not having invested in earplugs. Besides, you’re the one who wanted a place with some nice, tasty bug-trees in the yard. The red-headed woodpecker is unafraid to bash itself face-first over and over again against an obstacle until the bird wins its prize.

Classic cartoon character Woody Woodpecker was based on the red-headed woodpecker. The vast majority of Aries people are not dedicated to hardcore anarchy and mayhem the way Woody Woodpecker was. But if Aries people were so inclined? Society would be totally screwed by now. Be thankful if you have an Aries on your side, and don’t forget those earplugs if you have one against you.

Matthew Currie

Matthew Currie is an astrologer, counselor and writer with over 25 years of experience and numerous appearances on television, radio, and podcasts. He is the author of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology," (available on Amazon) and is available for private consultations. Send him an e-mail (astrologyshow@gmail.com). Matthew likes hearing from you.

He also predicted that yes, you WOULD end up here reading this.