Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Virgo

Oct 23, 2020, in Astrology

The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) have declared that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac Signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. Wait, what do you mean you’ve never heard of SMOAK? We are secretive, yet powerful. How can you know that we have as much influence as we say we do? Simple. Every time you read anything astrology related that calls Jupiter “expansive,” Chiron “the wounded healer,” or makes any connection between Saturn and “karma,” that was us. Ha! Try unseeing our ubiquitous presence everywhere now!

THE SIGN: Virgo (August 23-September 22)

FORMER SYMBOL: The Virgin

WHAT THE FORMER SYMBOL GOT RIGHT: Popular and attractive, yet family friendly. Holds itself and others to a high standard. Generally doesn’t hang around with the riff-raff. Usually gentle and soft spoken. Tend to be creatures of habit, and not usually terribly adventurous.

NEW SYMBOL: The Koala (Phascolarctos cinereus)

WHAT THE NEW SYMBOL ADDS: Koalas are incredibly cute and popular creatures, but do you know why you almost never see them outside of the wild in Australia? Eucalyptus leaves. Koalas are so damned picky about their diet that just about the only thing they will eat is eucalyptus leaves. And not frozen eucalyptus leaves, or store brand either. They’ve got to be fresh and they’ve got to be on the tree exactly the way they like it. Otherwise you can forget about keeping a koala.

Although they aren’t known as particularly sociable animals, koalas are a lot freakier that you might suspect based on their cute exterior. The males have a bifurcated penis, and the female has two vaginas and two separate vaginas and uteri. Also, they are prone to chlamydia. Still want to buy that stuffed koala toy for that baby shower you’re going to now…?

Matthew Currie

Matthew Currie is an astrologer, counselor and writer with over 25 years of experience and numerous appearances on television, radio, and podcasts. He is the author of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology," (available on Amazon) and is available for private consultations. Send him an e-mail (astrologyshow@gmail.com). Matthew likes hearing from you.

He also predicted that yes, you WOULD end up here reading this.