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Mercury Retrograde And The Mystery Of The Flatulent Dog

Mercury turns retrograde on Monday September 27th, and stays that way until October 18th. This is usually a time when I write something telling people not to worry about it too much. Think through your actions, double-check the directions, be more careful with your proofreading, and you’ll be fine.

…And usually by the end of a Mercury retrograde I’m yelling in pain about how this or that went terribly wrong I’m so glad it’s over.

That’s why this time around I’m taking an entirely different approach to Mercury retrograde.

There’s a tradition among many families with a dog. The family is sitting around the dinner table and someone experiences an unexpected outburst of uncontrolled flatulence, That person points at the family dog and blames it. That usually gets a good laugh out of everyone except the dog, who is usually mildly puzzled but often happy for the attention.

I have decided to expand the honour and reputation of Mercury retrograde this time around. I’m going to make this Mercury retrograde the most useful thing ever!

Did your ride break down during Mercury retrograde? Blame Mercury retrograde. Did your 12-year relationship fall apart during this time? Blame of Mercury retrograde. Come down with a bad case of Belgian monkey fungus? Screw up at work? Your uncle died? Restaurant got your order wrong? War breaks out in the Middle East?

Yeah, sure. Blame Mercury retrograde. Why not? It seems to be a time when even people who aren’t into that astrology blame things on it, so why not you?

So let ‘er rip and blame the dog. Just keep in mind that Mercury retrograde ends on a October 18th, and after that you may actually have to take some degree of responsibility for how you’ve mismanaged things. That is unless you count the so-called Shadow Period, after Mercury retrograde, when the planet makes up for the distance that lost. In that case you are good as gold for excuses until November 1st!