Facebook Astrology Expert Answers Facebook Astrology Questions Expertly!

Apr 29, 2021, in Astrology

(Matthew Currie is unavailable today, due to an unscheduled Eclipse. In his place we present the internationally-renowned astrologer Shakti Shiva Chiron Haumea, who three months ago was Ed Kwaitkowsi — but started reading a few things online about astrology and is now an expert on it. Today, Shakti will be answering some typical Facebook Astrology group questions for your enlightenment.)

Q: I always hear bad things about being a Pisces Mars but nobody ever says what’s so bad about it.

SSCH: Unfortunately for you, Mars in Pisces is a terribly limp and wet placement. Perhaps you would excel at being a fisherman, but you haven’t got the heart to kill any fish. Also, if you want to learn why that is, you might be interested in my upcoming course. DM if you’re interested. xo

Q: Can you tell me anything about my birth chart? Why are there so many red and blue lines in the middle of it?

SSCH: The blue lines represent all your opportunities to be a successful human being. The red lines indicate everything that’s holding you back. If there are any red lines in the middle of a person’s chart, they will never amount to anything. You can learn more about this in my upcoming astrology course. DM me for details.

Q: I’m terrible at all my relationships. I’m trying to figure out why. Lol. Anyone have any ideas?

SSCH: You have posted a copy of your birth chart, but that isn’t where the answer is. If you had taken my online course you would know that it’s the transit. And looking at your transit? You do have a soulmate but you missed him by about 15 minutes last week. Better luck next lifetime! DM me for details xo

Q: Those of you with Mars in Gemini: are you bisexual?

SSCH: Everyone with Mars in Gemini is either bisexual, or lying about it. I’ll be covering this in my upcoming astrology course!

Q: I don’t believe in Soulmates. Am I losing it or is there something here in my chart?

SSCH: You have posted a copy of your birth chart, but that isn’t where the answer is. If you had taken my online course you would know that it’s the transit. And looking at your transit? You do have a soulmate but you missed him by about 15 minutes last week. Better luck next lifetime! At least now you’ll have time to take my upcoming astrology course. DM me for details xo

(Shakti Shiva Chiron Haumea is now teaching astrology online. If you’d like to contact her, just enter any Facebook Astrology group for beginners, look for the most absolute and/or dismissive response, and send him a message.)

Matthew Currie

Matthew Currie is an astrologer, counselor and writer with over 25 years of experience and numerous appearances on television, radio, and podcasts. He is the author of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology," (available on Amazon) and is available for private consultations. Send him an e-mail (astrologyshow@gmail.com). Matthew likes hearing from you.

He also predicted that yes, you WOULD end up here reading this.