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It’s International Astrology Fact Checking Day!

April 1st was April Fool’s Day. April 2nd was International Fact-Checking Day. That makes today, April 3rd, International Astrology Fact-Checking Day (look don’t question it, just play along with the premise)!

In light of this, we would like to present the following corrections to previous reports about the Twelve Signs.

 

-Aries would like to let you know that they are not impatient, and in fact sometimes pill bottles do need to be opened with a hammer.

 

-Taurus did in fact keep all those thoughtful little romantic gifts from you when you were dating… but re-gifted them all later on to other people.

 

-At the time of writing, Gemini was still preparing a lengthy list of what it perceives to be as misconceptions about it. Unfortunately that list is too long to present here today. Gemini can’t stop filing rebuttals to itself.

 

-Cancer is not shy or over-sensitive. You are too loud and obnoxious.

 

-Leo does not in fact require a lot of personal attention. However, Leo recognizes it deserves a lot of personal attention, and can’t quite understand why you don’t get that.

 

-Virgo does not demand perfection from you. In fact Virgo gave up on that from you a long time ago, and now quietly mutters to itself about it every time you’re not listening.

 

-Contrary to rumor, Libra is not obsessed with fairness in a relationship or appearances. And by the way, Libra expect you to take it out to dinner on Thursday, and here’s what you’re going to wear…

 

-A number of witnesses have reported that Scorpio is dangerous and overly fixated on personal slights. However, all those witnesses have since disappeared, so the charges are dismissed.

 

-Sagittarius is not a wanderer who can’t stay focused. In fact– oh look there’s a squirrel outside! I’m going to go feed it!

 

-Capricorn saw the premise of this blog entry coming from the first paragraph, and refuses to cooperate with lazy and incompetent writing.

 

-Aquarius has a thoughtful rebuttal for many of the stereotypes associated with it. Unfortunately this rebuttal was delivered in the form of an interpretive dance, and cannot be transcribed.

 

-Pisces does not suffer from hurt feelings because it is perpetually the last Sign of the Zodiac. Pisces does suffer hurt feelings for plenty of other good reasons though, and you’re just too dumb or mean to figure them out.