Newsroom

The Daily Sky: Mars Square Neptune

(SCENE: A sunny wooded shoreline beside a lake. A middle-aged couple sit on a checkered picnic cloth, drinking red wine, laughing, and clearly enjoying each other’s company)

VOICEOVER: You’ve made it this far in life. You’ve had your ups and downs and you made it through the worst of the Saturn-Pluto conjunction. You’ve earned a break. But if you find you need to unwind just a little bit more, try Mars square Neptune!

(The couple leaning and embrace each other lovingly)

VOICEOVER: A break from our serious conflicts and concerns is more than welcome. Mars square Neptune is the perfect time to take some of the edge off of how your life has been running recently.

(The couple finishes off their wine and refills their glasses)

VOICEOVER: (In a slightly more hushed and serious tone) Ask your astrologer if Mars square Neptune is right for you. Side effects may include heightened suggestibility, inappropriate sexual attractions, impotence, impotent rage, getting angry at the wrong things or the wrong people, or ineffectual attempts to change your life. Mars square Neptune has been known to cause accidents with heavy machinery and cutting utensils in some cases, especially if you are a Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, or Pisces. Some users may find they trust or mistrust the wrong people during this aspect. Mars square Neptune can cause an occasional loss of discernment, delusion, or prolonged arguments with people on the internet over politics who were never going to agree with you anyway.

(We zoom out to see the couple passed out, surrounded by empty wine bottles)

VOICEOVER: Mars square Neptune is in effect now and until the end of the month. There is no way to opt out of Mars square Neptune. Please consult your astrologer, therapist, guru, or Rabbi as required.