The End Of Mars In Aries, Described As A Dungeons & Dragons Random Treasure Table

Dec 31, 2020, in Astrology

After six months of pure mayhem, Mars is finally in the last three degrees of Aries. The good news is that Mars is barely in range to be square Saturn, and is done with the square to Pluto. The not-so-good news is that Mars doesn’t get a whole lot of aspects from other planets that will particularly hold it back too. Thus, you may find the Mars results you get between now and January 6th might seem a little… random…

01–17 Bag of Bitching. Bag is a Capricorn which is suddenly questioning its place in life. Roll vs. Endurance or lose sanity for 2d10 rounds.

01–12 +3 Sword Of Sharpness. If player character is a Cancer, player must roll vs. Intelligence, or will use it on his/her spouse/partner while attempting to clarify what direction the relationship is going in.

13–24 Acid (2d4 flasks, each of which explode upon examination). Specifically Gemini acid, upset over recent financial dealings and/or relationships and/or STD test results.

25–36 Hole Of Infinite Sucking. Will probably be found inside a Sagittarius bank account.

37–48 Holy water. Originally created by a Virgo to fight vampires, this particular holy water was recently used to scrub out the memory of a doomed relationship. Now mostly dirty and useless.

49–62 A vial of antitoxin. It is empty, recently swallowed by an Aries attempting to leave his/her poisonous work environment. The Aries lies nearby, choking.

63–74 Ever-burning torch. Comparable to the ulcer Leos are experiencing trying to get their daily lives together recently.

75–88 Wand of Wisdom, pointed at the head of an Aquarius while they try to figure out why nothing is working out recently. The wand does not appear to be working out either.

89–95 A telephone (melted). Formerly owned by an astrologer overwhelmed by clients with sudden personal issues and collection agents.

96-00 =5 Magic Armor (roll d%: 01–10=Small, 11–100=Medium). Pretty much mandatory for everyone the next couple of weeks. Will protect you against anything (does not actually exist).

Matthew Currie

Matthew Currie is an astrologer, counselor and writer with over 25 years of experience and numerous appearances on television, radio, and podcasts. He is the author of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology," (available on Amazon) and is available for private consultations. Send him an e-mail (astrologyshow@gmail.com). Matthew likes hearing from you.

He also predicted that yes, you WOULD end up here reading this.