Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Cancer

Oct 16, 2020, in Astrology

The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) would like to announce that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. Who are we, you may ask? We are the True Keepers of absolute astrological knowledge. Want to know what techniques really work and really don’t? Want to know what The One True House System is? We are the people who know all the answers to that. Want to join our organization? Meet me out back in 15 minutes. Bring cash.

THE SIGN: Cancer (June 20-July 22)

FORMER SYMBOL: The Crab

WHAT THE FORMER SYMBOL GOT RIGHT: A tendency to approach things by shuffling sideways rather than attacking them directly. Shy, sensitive, and private — and heavily armed to defend that. Quite tasty and delectable once you get past their shell, but doing so will require effort, specialized implements, and a lot of force. Hey: if someone gave your Sign the same name as a terrible illness, you’d be pretty defensive too.

NEW SYMBOL: The Pangolin (five members of the faily Manidae)

WHAT THE NEW SYMBOL ADDS: Often a solitary creature. Heavily armed and very difficult to get through to its inner workings. Nonetheless, because of their alleged deliciousness and uses in Chinese traditional medicine, they are the most illegally trafficked mammal in the world.

Pangolins, because of their prized flavor, may in fact be the original source of the COVID-19 virus. Didn’t this creature’s shy demeanor and heavy armor plating serve as warning enough not to mess with them? Maybe Cancer was being defensive for your sake and not theirs. Do you ever even care about anyone else’s feelings other than your own? Jeez.

Matthew Currie

Matthew Currie is an astrologer, counselor and writer with over 25 years of experience and numerous appearances on television, radio, and podcasts. He is the author of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology," (available on Amazon) and is available for private consultations. Send him an e-mail (astrologyshow@gmail.com). Matthew likes hearing from you.

He also predicted that yes, you WOULD end up here reading this.