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Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Pisces

The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) have declared that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac Signs have been replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. Wait, what do you mean, you’ve never heard of us? That doesn’t mean we aren’t a real thing. Have you ever heard of an Einstein-Rosen bridge? I’ll bet you haven’t. It’s what most science fiction fans know as a “wormhole,” and those are a real thing too, even if you hadn’t heard of them. Or okay, there’s no actual proof that wormholes do exist. But they probably do. Well, maybe. Just shut up and do what we say. Bloody peasants!

THE SIGN: Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

FORMER SYMBOL: The Fish

WHAT THE FORMER SYMBOL GOT RIGHT: Highly sensitive creatures, deeply attuned to their environment. Flop around gasping for breath when confronted with a harsh reality, like landing on the deck of a fishing boat. Somehow manages to swim in two entirely different directions at once.

NEW SYMBOL: The Black Lemur (Eulemur macaco)

WHAT THE NEW SYMBOL ADDS: Reasonably cute, if a bit peculiar. What really sets the black lemur apart from the other lemurs is one particular behavior. They have a habit of picking up and chewing on toxic millipedes, without actually killing them… despite living on a diet of mostly fruit and flowers.

The black lemur is immune to these toxins. However, the chemicals exuded by these millipedes get the black lemur really, incredibly high. They stare off into space and drool. They then rub the drool (and the millipedes) all over their fur. These toxins help protect the black lemur from potentially dangerous insects. Coming up with this required a great deal of imagination, at least by lemur standards. Mostly though, I suspect that the black lemur just enjoys getting really high and exploring “Higher Consciousness.”