Mars, Jupiter, Pluto Conjunct In Capricorn: Heavy Metal MAYHEM!!

Mar 16, 2020, in Astrology, Current Event, Horoscopes

I normally try not to overplay the potential for bad news with any given transit. Fear-mongering is bad for a number of reasons, one of which is that the worst case scenario simply doesn’t happen.

Keeping this in mind, in a spirit of cautiously-optimistic levity, allow me to present the following. Imagine you turn on your TV just in time to catch this ad…

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(Loud heavy metal music plays over stock footage of a forest fire)

LOUD, SHOUTING MALE NARRATOR: Did you like the mayhem caused to your chart placements between 18-26 degrees of Aries, Cancer, Libra, or Capricorn by the Saturn-Pluto conjunction?

ECHO: Mayhem! Mayhem! Mayhem!

LOUD, SHOUTING MALE NARRATOR: Then you’re going to LOVE the Mars-Jupiter-Pluto conjunction, in effect now until March 26th!

ECHO: Mayhem! Mayhem! Mayhem!

(Stock footage of Vikings attacking in slow motion)

LOUD, SHOUTING MALE NARRATOR: Imagine the raw angry power of Mars, in full force in Capricorn, the Sign of its exaltation!

(Stock footage of a hot-dog eating contest)

LOUD, SHOUTING MALE NARRATOR: Now add in the awesome rockin’ amplification of Jupiter, biggest planet in the Solar System!

(Air horn sound effect)

LOUD, SHOUTING MALE NARRATOR: But wait, there’s MORE! You’ll also get —

(Stock footage of a building imploding in a controlled demolition )

LOUD, SHOUTING MALE NARRATOR: The in-your-face BLAST that come from Pluto!

(Stock footage of a nuclear explosion)

LOUD, SHOUTING MALE NARRATOR: …all opposite the last Eclipse Point in Cancer, which is still in effect!

(Loud guitar riff, more air horn)

LOUD, SHOUTING MALE NARRATOR: Don’t miss out on the raw MAYHEM!

ECHO: Mayhem! Mayhem! Mayhem!

(Stock footage of a playful kitten)

CALM, REASSURING FEMALE NARRATOR: Unless you’ve got important placements in your chart between 18-26 degrees of Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, or Pisces… in which case you’ll probably get good results. And even if you don’t… relax. You made it through the Saturn-Pluto conjunction, didn’t you?

(Air horn sound effect, startled kitten runs away)

Matthew Currie

Matthew Currie is an astrologer, counselor and writer with over 25 years of experience and numerous appearances on television, radio, and podcasts. He is the author of "Conquer The Universe With Astrology," (available on Amazon) and is available for private consultations. Send him an e-mail (astrologyshow@gmail.com). Matthew likes hearing from you.

He also predicted that yes, you WOULD end up here reading this.