Newsroom
Stay in orbit.
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Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Sagittarius
The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) have declared that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac Signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. Yes, we know. It’s been a difficult year where everything has changed and little or none of it is change you asked for. You know, that’s…
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Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Scorpio
The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) have declared that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac Signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. Yes, we realize that updating your t-shirts and your coffee mugs will all be a fair amount of work and/or expense. But imagine the thrill of…
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Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Libra
The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) have declared that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac Signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. How powerful are we? Rest assured that, whenever a famous person has a project that fails or has things blow up in their face, it’s because…
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Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Virgo
The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) have declared that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac Signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. Wait, what do you mean you’ve never heard of SMOAK? We are secretive, yet powerful. How can you know that we have as much influence as…
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Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Leo
The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) have declared that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac Signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. Wait, what do you mean you’ve never heard of SMOAK? If you’ve ever once read an accurate horoscope or description of a planetary placement in the…
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Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Cancer
The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) would like to announce that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. Who are we, you may ask? We are the True Keepers of absolute astrological knowledge. Want to know what techniques really work and really…
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Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Gemini
The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) has declared that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. What do you mean, you’ve never heard of us? Obviously whenever you’ve been out socializing with astrologers, you socialized with the wrong ones. That isn’t our…
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Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Taurus
The Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK) have declared that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. Wait, what do you mean you’ve never heard of SMOAK? That’s probably because we are a very powerful yet secret organization who, while you sleep, keep…
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Your Zodiac Symbol Has Changed: Aries
As the spokesperson for the Secret Masters Of Astrological Knowledge (SMOAK), it is my solemn duty to inform you all that the traditional symbols for all twelve Zodiac signs will be replaced and updated effective November 1st of this year. We’ve reviewed the old symbols and decided they were lacking. Please upgrade all your t-shirts,…
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Astrology And The (Literal) Fall Of Jerry Falwell Jr.
Not too long ago, I wrote here about the case of Jerry Falwell Jr, President of Liberty University. As you may recall, he has recently fallen into disgrace because of an alleged relationship between Jerry’s wife and the pool boy. Specifically, a relationship which Jerry would take a great deal of delight in watching from…